What exactly did I do in 2010?

So, I mentioned that last year wasn't really one of those stellar years and as I think back over it, I am remembering why I've blocked out most of it.

It started out with the mourning of a sweet friend's move. My friend, Evelyn, moved back to Texas right before Christmas and the reality that she was gone finally started to set in about New Years. She and her husband, Mark, bought a house that my husband built and from the first time my husband met Evelyn, he told me that I would love her...he was correct. She was and still is a very precious person with a heart of gold. She was the only person outside of my family that truly knew all the gory details of our families financial woes and she prayed and worried right along with us. The thought of not being able to talk to her and see her on a daily basis really set the year off on a sour note.

Then 2010 took a turn for the worse with the loss of another dear friend. My artist friend, Penny McAllister, passed away in late March after a very short battle with leukemia. Her death was VERY sudden and very unexpected. She and I have worked together at Christmas Village for the past several years and over those years we have had some wonderful talks. We had one of those friendships where you could go months without talking and instantly pick up like you'd seen each other every day. I think I kind of switched off my feelings when she passed away because of the fear of what the upcoming holidays would be like without her. I don't think any of us like change, but when that change is the absence of a precious friend...it's especially painful...and I lost two in a very short amount of time.


About 10 years ago, I read a book called The Friendships of Women by Dee Brestin and it was fascinating to realize how much women need other women in their lives. I have never really been able to build and maintain close friendships with other women and I've always wondered why...I'm a nice girl, aren't I? I always attributed this inability to get along with other women somehow to the fact that I lost my mother at a very young age, but the fact is that MOST women have a hard time getting along with other women. We are critical and competitive and that gets in the way of loving each other. Nevertheless, we all long for that bond. Admit it girls,we all want a BFF that we can sit on the phone with for hours and share our deepest darkest secrets with. Unfortunately, many of us have been hurt so much in the past when that friendship took a detour that we don't trust enough to open the door to that kind of love any more. UGH! Well, I can say that I shared my heart and soul with Penny and Evelyn...and yet they are still gone. What seems to be the problem here?

Jeremiah 17:5 "This is what the LORD says: "Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who depends on flesh for his strength and whose heart turns away from the LORD."

Okay, so CURSED is a really strong word and that is the word that God uses when we put our trust in man! It certainly can feel like a curse when those friends and loved ones do something that betrays that trust or like in my case, when they move or die. That's what most of 2010 turned into for me...a curse...or at least that's what Satan convinced me was happening. Most everything that I did in 2010 was an effort to numb the pain of loneliness and sorrow. When the year added more financial stress to the mix, I had all the ingredients for a TOTALLY unproductive year. :( I became so focused on my hurt and loss and lack of money that I couldn't possibly see God working for my good through it all. But He was. He is. He always will be.

Let me go back just a little bit....I'm not saying that friends are a curse, after all, the Ecclesiastes 4:-12 states:

"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken."

BUT, alone was what my heart decided was best for me last year. My defenses went up and I isolated myself because of the hurts I was trying to deal with. Just like Ecclesiastes warns, isolation was the true curse. The more isolated I felt, the farther away from God I drew and the uglier/colder I got. But God loves me too much to leave me here! PRAISE THE LORD!